When I’m tired and thinking cold / I hide in my words, forget the day

It’s Saturday morning, the house is asleep, I’m writing, burning an installation CD of Racy Puppy Linux, and listening to the radio.

The woman on the radio is a success specialist of some sort and is talking about “upping your game” by dressing for success. “If you don’t care,” she says, “good for you,” but success is based largely on how you look.

That’s likely (partly) true. It’s also sad, and bad advice for personal and spiritual well being.

Nobody wants slobs in the workplace, but as long as we all play the game without questioning the rules, the game won’t change, and we’ll continue to hire and elect and otherwise manufacture our human environment based on looks rather than substance.

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The utter condescension “experts” project on superficial matters (fashion, sports, investing, entertainment, politics, sex, etc) is enough to drive one mad. It’s no wonder we stop analyzing it after a while.

[2013-03-19]

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When I’m tired and thinking cold

I hide in my words, forget the day

[2014-03-20]

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What you believe about the real presence drives real behavior.

The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass
by Armenian artist Ariel Agemian

“Real presence” is the Christian doctrine that Jesus’ real body and blood is physically, literally present in the bread and wine consumed at communion.[1]

There is a rather narrow spectrum of refinements on this idea. Most denominations either do, or do not, believe this. Those that “do” disagree on what form Jesus’ presence takes, and that varies from “just as real as you and me” to “spiritually real.”[2]

If you want to know more, check out the footnotes. Regarding the belief/behavior relationship:

If you don’t believe in the real presence:

* You can go to any church that satisfies your needs for Christian fellowship and teaching.

* The sanctuary is generally noisy and active before and after a service.

* You can convert a sanctuary into a gymnasium without giving it a second thought.

* Attending at a certain place at a certain time is important, eg, Sunday morning service.

If you do believe in the real presence:

* You can go to any church of the same denomination because Jesus is really, physically, literally there (regardless of what or who else might also be there).

* You can go to church anytime, any day, and really, physically, literally receive Jesus.

* The sanctuary is generally quieter and more reflective because Jesus is physically present in a way that is different than “Jesus is here because he’s everywhere.”

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There is a right and wrong here, but more of the sort that’s corrected by encouragement, not dogmatic insistence.

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CS Lewis

I read a long time ago in one of CS Lewis’s essays that one shouldn't go church-hopping just because you don’t like the pastor, or the choir, or for some other trivial reason.

Lewis was Church of England. It occurred to me only recently that this would make no sense to an evangelical Protestant. For many Protestants, disliking the pastor is a primary reason one moves along to a new church, and most will travel miles every Sunday to the one spot that holds the right assortment of personalities, music, beliefs, etc.

Large, hierarchical denominations encourage attendance and support in the local parish, because the sacraments and doctrines don’t change, and in fact are the primary reasons for attending.

[2014-03-17]

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I know this seems trivial to a lot of folks, and I do wrestle with ideas that don’t matter to most people most of the time, but in the microcosm I grew up in, questions like this were enormous, and still are; and of course, a few hundred years ago, it was sort of a big deal.

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[1]

There are many types of elements used in communion. I was brought up with grape juice and matzoh (unleavened bread). Some denominations use real wine and specially-made unleavened wafers that have a symbol impressed or embossed. Some use regular bread, some use water.

There may be exceptions, but I know of no denomination that believes in the real presence and uses juice or regular bread.

[2]

Those at the “100% real Jesus” end of the spectrum preserve or consume leftover communion. Consecrated leftovers are retained in an “ark.” Christians that believe this treat the elements as though they were a person (and indeed they believe it is).

At the other end are those who believe Jesus is really in the elements but only spiritually, not physically and literally. It is different (but only slightly) from those that believe the bread and wine are nothing more than bread and wine, for once you say “Jesus is spiritually in this,” you've only said “of all the places Jesus is, I choose to focus on this one piece of real estate for the time being.”

My denomination of choice, LCMS Lutheranism, believes in the real presence; the shape that takes in each church varies widely. Some have an ark and preserve the elements, some are more informal with less visible emphasis on this doctrine.

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Software will soon write sports columns.

(L-R) Oscar Madison (Jack Klugman) and
 Felix Unger (Tony Randall). Klugman's Madison
was a sports writer in 1970's 'The Odd Couple.'

I just heard that they (the invisible bad “they”) are working on software that will write sports and financial articles based on statistics.

I thought they’d been doing that for years.

[2014-03-11]

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That was a joke, but seriously, any algorithm that can parse human sentences can also be turned around and create sentences it hasn’t parsed yet, right?

That’s the generative power of human language (nods to Chomsky).

Have you compared the spell checking skills of Google Docs vs MS Word? Look for the contextual suggestions Google provides. It’s nothing less than astounding. The corrections just as often reflect pop culture patterns as errors, which makes it not just a spell checker, but an advisor.

[2014-03-13]

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Interstitial exclamation points.

Blogger has added a Pinterest button to the social sharing gadget at the bottom of each post….

I try to stay current and have a Pinterest account; I will occasionally pin personal pictures that I think are interesting, though the action is always here, where you’re at now, where words are at home.

[2014-03-09]

Interstitial Exclamation Points

I still struggle with foul language, not the big one (I’m pretty good at wrangling f-bombs), but the colorful little ones that serve so well as interstitial exclamation points.

It’s a reflection of my love for words and lexical habituation, not my character.

[2014-02-26]

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9 secrets to daily blogging and the one SEO rule that never fails.

9 secrets to daily blogging...

1. Write for yourself. If you don’t like what you write, chances are no one else will either.
2. Call it done when it’s done; even the best writing reaches a point of diminishing returns.
3. Don’t publish everything you write; set some of your work aside for later. I only publish ~75% of the ideas I start with, and maybe ~25% of the writing behind those ideas.
4. Never let a fleeting thought escape the keyboard or pencil.
5. Write ahead.
6. Write even if no one “likes” you. Write even if no one comments. Write even if no one reads.
7. Be honest and try not to hurt others.
8. Write what you want when you’re angry, but don’t publish it.
9. Observe good blogging practices, but don’t let them interfere with good writing. Search engines are always trying to index what real people say and do. Gaming the system may provide short-term wins, but as your older posts age, the less likely they’ll benefit from the SEO juice du jour. 
   
   In all my years of writing online, there is only one SEO tactic that never fails:
   
   Write something 
   someone
   somewhere 
   wants to read.

[2014-03-12]

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Interesting that Google Docs introduced plugins the same day Apache released OpenOffice 4.1.0 beta. Shot over the bough? Or perhaps dragging the river.

I like both apps.

I must say that giving 3rd party developers access to my Google docs doesn’t appeal to me, so I haven’t installed any.

Which raises the question about all browser plugins. Who can you trust online? 

No one.

[2014-03-11]

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The first time I managed people and money (and my skirmish with obesity in the workplace).

Turn-of-the-century sideshow star
Jolly Irene (Amanda Siebert),
posing here with a brand of shoes
 for stout women.

Many years ago, I worked at a gourmet meat and cheese shop called Alpen Pantry. That was in Woodland Mall in Grand Rapids, MI.

The owner ran another Alpen Pantry in Ann Arbor and stopped in weekly. By a string of coincidences and the sudden departure of two managers, I ended up managing for a few months and doing some hiring. It was my first time managing people and money, and I think I did okay. I was hardworking and honest (and I liked cheese, what else could you want?).

Alpen Pantry had a small aisle between two service counters and when we had two or more people working between the counters, we had to turn sideways and suck in our guts just to pass each other.

One day, a very large man applied for an open position. He knew he was too big to fit comfortably between the counters, let alone let someone pass by him, and I knew that, but he had the experience I needed, and he wanted the job, and I was very sensitive to any perception of weight discrimination. 

I hired him.

My boss gave me grief, which I expected. (He was good at that. He once told me that when dealing with customers I should “Make the sale and kick their ass out.”)

I wrung my hands for a week. The Saturday that the large man was scheduled to start, I was just praying I’d find a way to put him to work and still manage to run the counter.

I was inside prepping by 8am, and he showed up outside the closed accordion gates. I motioned that I saw him and went to the rear of the store (to put some cash away as I recall).

When I returned to the front of the store, he was gone.

He never returned. I don’t know if he was testing me or decided at that moment it was best not to put both of us through an awkward situation.

[2014-03-13]

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Something my Grandpa Cairns said a few times.

Thomas G Cairns, my Grandpa Cairns, Dad’s dad, with Grandma (Geneva Cairns, née Bauer), and his grandkids: Dan Young (held by Grandpa), then L-R, Tom Tom, Carolee, Dee Dee, Linda, me, and Tom.

My Grandpa Cairns said this enough to make an impression on me: “Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I ever did.” He would always look down, at nothing, as if in a reverie.

He told this short story:

Many years ago, he was a Sunday school teacher. (I believe this was at Bethel Baptist Church when it was on 737 E 26th Street on Erie’s east side.)

He was having a cigarette in the parking lot after church. As some of his Sunday school students were leaving after the morning service, he hid his cigarette behind his back.

He told himself that if it wasn’t right for them to see him smoking, he shouldn’t be smoking, so he quit.

But it wasn’t easy. He said he bought a lot of packs, would smoke one and rip up the rest, angry at himself each time, until he was able to stop entirely. Grandma concurred each time he told the story, said Grandpa really struggled with it.

I quit too and I agree with him. It was the hardest thing I ever did.

And I still miss it, and if I could do it and not get sick or yelled at, I would.

I used to drink, too, like a fish, and I enjoyed that even more.

Life is smoke-free now and punctuated with a little Sierra Nevada now and then.

I had a dream last night that I was at a summer camp with friends and family and drinking on the sly from my own rather large stash.

I sure was having a good time.

[2014-03-06]

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If the world loves you and you can laugh at yourself, the world laughs with you.

Regardless of my personal opinion of these two men, spelling ability is not an indicator of intelligence.

Dan Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

Barack Obama, 44th President of the United State

Dan Quayle Misspells 'Potato'

Barack Obama Misspells ‘Respect’

If they don’t and you can’t, we’ll, be happy for your greasepaint, Clown….

[2014-3-05]

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There’s a piece of me that believes the response to Russia and Crimea is less international diplomacy than old-fashioned chest thumping that recollects the Cold War, Goldwater, Kennedy, and Reagan.

We haven’t learned a whole lot from nearly blowing ourselves to smithereens 50 years ago.

"Why [the Cuban Missile Crisis] was the most dangerous moment in recorded history" >

(Christian Science Monitor: 50 years after Cuban missile crisis: closer than you thought to World War III)

(L-R) John F Kennedy, Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan, Barack Obama. Two liberal Democrats, two conservative Republicans, and very little difference in dealing with Russia. We tend to view our political choices as starkly different, but most of the rest of the world sees Republican and Democrat as a distinction without a difference.

[2014-03-18]

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Fox’s lineup last Sunday (DeGrasse Tyson has a tough act to follow)

DeGrasse Tyson has a tough act to follow...

Bob's Burgers Fox - Sun, 3/16, 7:00 PM "Mazel-Tina" Tina seizes the opportunity to check out the boys at Tammy's Bat Mitzvah.
American Dad! Fox - Sun, 3/16, 7:30 PM "Introducing the Naughty Stewardesses" Roger helps Steve date a hot girl.
The Simpsons Fox - Sun, 3/16,  8:00 PM "The Winter of his Content" Homer adopts the "old person lifestyle".
Family Guy Fox - Sun, 3/16, 8:30 PM "3 Acts of God" Peter and the guys embark on a journey to find and ask God to stop interfering with pro football games.
Cosmos: A SpaceTime Odyssey Fox - Sun, 3/16, 9:00 PM "Some of the Things That Molecules Do" Neil deGrasse Tyson investigates the correlation between all living things through the process of evolution, involving the origins of artificial selection and natural selection; exploring the beginning of life with a look at the Hall of Extinction.

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Makes one wonder just which species will be carved next above the mantle in the Hall of Extinction.

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I’m curious, BTW, if Fox is courting a more cerebral audience on Sunday nights, or if the audience that enjoyed two hours of animated inanity is the same one watching Cosmos.

There is a sort of eccentric nonconformity among especially bright people; cartoons like these seem to appeal to them. 

If anyone's wondering, my response ranges from indifference to distaste.

[2014-03-16]

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7 books to read if you want to understand Clarence

My Side of the Mountain,
by Jean Craighead George

7 books to read if you want to understand Clarence (in no particular order):

1. My Side of the Mountain, by Jean Craighead George
2. People of the Lake, by Richard E Leakey
3. Fatu-Hiva, by Thor Heyerdahl
4. Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut
5. Music for Chameleons, by Truman Capote
6. This blog. (Maybe it'll be a book someday. It could happen.)
7. The bible.

My 4th grade teacher at Vernondale Elementary School in Erie, PA read My Side of the Mountain to us, a chapter a day. It's among my fondest memories from grade school. That would have been Mrs Budzynski. I haven't read it since.

Thor Heyerdahl on Fatu-Hiva.

Experts say we should continue reading to our children long after they can read for themselves. That’s very good advice.

[3/13/2014]

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Saying this blog could be a book someday is sort of like saying an mp4 could be a DVD.

I still live with the dreams and conceits of a generation in love with books.

[2014-03-18]

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I’d rather read a bad writer who loves words than a good writer who doesn't.

Dee Dee set this sign outside her bedroom door
with her stuffed unicorns; it reads 'daddy loves mom'

I had a writing professor at Calvin College (when I was in the Secondary Education program) who read grade school essays aloud and asked what we thought.

The first was filled with usage errors. We all agreed it belonged to a remedial student. The professor said nothing, then read another from the same grade level, and another, finally finishing with a grammatically correct and well-structured essay.

Then he asked again: Which one was better?

The last, we all said.

No, he said. The first, because it’s personal and honest. The last one was superficial and trivial. The first showed sincerity and effort. The last demonstrated only good mechanics.

 Professor Henry Baron

Good writers are honest with themselves and their readers.

That was Professor Henry Baron. That lesson, and others like it, fundamentally shaped me in ways I will never be able to measure.

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I’d rather read a bad writer who loves words than a good writer who doesn't.

[2013-03-13]

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Why I temporarily locked the videos of Dee Dee getting her ears pierced.

Youtube suggests related videos after you’re done watching one. For some reason, the combination of words in Dee Dee’s ear piercing videos prompted some really raunchy suggestions.

There are a few ways around this….

1. I will turn off end-of-video suggestions. That will only work in embedded videos like those here on this blog. My Youtube channel may still show them.

Lesson: Watch the videos here, not on Youtube (and probably not Facebook, not sure if they pick up my code or use their own).

2. I will test each video I upload for similar offensive Youtube recommendations in case folks do watch on Youtube.

3. You can turn on “safe mode” in Youtube so you are less likely to see offensive content.

Click here to learn how to set up safety mode in Youtube >

[2014-03-18]

BTW, those recommendations weren’t just raunchy, they were pornographic. I’ve restored the videos here >. Thank you, Christine S!

[2014-03-20]

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You couldn't have made this TV ad when I was a kid.

As perplexing as this ad is to me, it’s anthropologically fascinating. I suspect someday, thousands of years from now, archaeologists will be information scientists who specialize in retrieving digital information from unearthed electronics.

Among them may be the words you are reading now, and this ad.

Cadillac ELR Coupe 2014 Commercial

You couldn't have made this ad when I was a kid. My parents’ generation was still smarting from WWII frugality, and their parents lived through the Great Depression.

But nothing I write here or there or you read anywhere will change how we subjugate and manipulate each other.

When we see an ad like this, we should also see images like this:

An Alabama family during the Great Depression, 1935.

And this:

Homeless families in Washington, DC, Winter 2014.

[2014-03-03]

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