[Editor and Charles Dickens shake hands over a desk. They both sit. The Editor sucks on a cigar.]
Charles Dickens: I'm very excited about this one. A whole country in political upheaval, unrequited love, sacrifice, beheadings, the whole schmeer.
Ed: Right right right... unrequited love... You say there's some beheadings, some sacrifice? Like virgins and volcanoes and all that?
Charles: No, no volcanoes. A man chooses to go to the guillotine so the woman he loves can be with the man she loves.
Ed: Charlie baby, that's genius! So what's the title?
Charles: "A Tale of Two Cities."
Ed: Sure sure sure, we'll work on that one. How's it start?
Charles: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
Ed: Whoa, Chuck baby, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"? C'mon, you gotta be pulling my leg.
Charles: No, no, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
Ed: Okay, okay, help me out here, Dick, what's going on with this one.
Charles: You see, sometimes we look back at unhappy times with a measure of fondness.
Ed: Charlie baby, look, that's just a grotesquerie.
Charles: A what?
Ed: You know, goofy, silly.
Charles: Really?
Ed: Sure sure sure. Something can't be good and bad at the same time, and good doesn't sell. But look, you got something here, I mean, two cities and political upheaval and sex...
Charles: ...unrequited love...
Ed: Right right right... unrequited love.
[Editor scratches chin, looks at Dickens, then at his desk, then at Dickens]
Ed: I got it!
Charles: Yes?
Ed: You say this guy goes to his death so this other guy can have the babe, right?
Charles: Yes.
Ed: Okay, we call it... get this... [hand slowly spreading out] "Live and Let Die."
Charles: What?
Ed: Suuuuuuuuure. He's a spy, see, and he doesn't really get beheaded at the end. At the last second, he beats up all the bad guys and escapes with another babe he meets on the scaffold. [Editor pauses, more chin scratching.] Needs a second banana, though. "Felix." And a mentor. Something cryptic, like just a letter of the alphabet. "Q", the letter Q is cryptic. "K" sounds are cryptic, trust me on this one.
Charles: There's a little more to the story.
Ed: Sure sure sure. Charlie you're a genius, pure genius. We'll sell a million copies. Decoder rings, super spy boot black, the works. I tell you Charlie, you got a winner this time, none of that poor little orphan stuff. This is gold, I tellya, gold.
Charles: Yes, sir.
[They stand and leave the office together, the Editor's arm over Dickens' shoulder.]
Ed: Gotta do something with that first line, though. Let's see... What's this guy's name?
Charles: The one that goes to the guillotine?
Ed: Yeah yeah yeah...
Charles: Sidney. Sidney Carton.
[Their voices soften as they exit the office, the Editor's arm still around Dickens.]
Ed: Good good good. Only let's make it "Carton. Sidney Carton. His bad side is a dangerous place to be." Dick baby you're a genius through and through.
[Voices echo from the hallway.]
Ed: You had lunch?
Charles: No, sir.
Ed: I suddenly have a craving for broccoli.
Started: 2012-05-19
You're right. I do love this. =]
ReplyDeleteThanks, me too :-)
ReplyDelete