Why I won’t go back to Krispy Kreme

On August 25 I made my first trip to a Krispy Kreme.

I know, that's almost like making a first trip to McDonalds, but I've just never felt drawn to the place. I've been taking Dee Dee to Tim Horton's lately and thought I'd try something new.

After standing in front of the counter while others cut in front of me, I figured out that if you stand by the donut assembly line, someone will hand you a warm glazed donut on wax paper. 

I had no idea if it was free, but everyone was doing it. Since no one is helping me over here, I'll stand over there with the crowd of happy donut eaters.

During an orderly procession by the glazing machine, I eat my free donut and find myself at the counter, where I order two real donuts, the kind with filling and frosting.

"Do you want a dozen?"

Hmmm. No, just two, but everyone around me is ordering a dozen. Maybe they only sell in dozens? Is that like a rule or something?

I ask if I can get a half dozen.

"Sure."

And a medium coffee, house blend, with a shot of espresso.

"Sure. Would you like to get a large for 10¢ more?"

Sure. I pay. And wait.

And wait.

My 4-year-old and 8-month-old are sitting at a table. And waiting.

"I'm sorry, we have to clean the espresso machine. I can add a flavor shot instead."

I think: I didn't want a flavor shot. If I'd've wanted a flavor shot, I'd've ordered a flavor shot. I wanted caffeine.

Just give me my coffee.

I hesitate: Will you offer me a free donut instead of the espresso shot I paid for but didn't get?

Nope.

Betwixt and after, my brain knits together some observations:

• Nobody smiled.

• I didn't get what I paid for and I bought more than I wanted.

• I didn't know how the @#$# to go about ordering a donut in a donut shop and felt like a moron.

• If there's a physical path between me and the cash register, please put signs up telling me where to start and end so I don't stand there like a moron while others cut in front of me looking at me like I'm a moron.

(Ancient money-making secret: Don't make your customers feel like morons.)

• I had to dodge a bunch of 30-something Dale Earnhardt wannabes in pressed khaki shorts racing through the parking lot for their free donut with what seemed like repeated disregard for a dad carrying a baby and holding the hand of a 4-year-old. I mean, I can understand one impatient SUV driver in a donut store parking lot, but I felt like I was crossing 28th Street, not walking twenty feet from my car to the front door.

• On the way out, I tripped over a loose entryway carpet, yes, while carrying a baby and holding the hand of a 4-year-old.

 

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Did anyone tell me “I don’t want you here” ?

No. They designed their parking lot, trained their employees, and constructed a brand and purchase path that interfered with this new customer.

In a day when choices for roughly the same product are only blocks away or across the street from each other, being adequate is inadequate.

 

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I couldn't leave fast enough and promised myself not to eat another Krispy Kreme even if someone brought a box into work.

We’ll see about that last part.

But tomorrow it’s back to Tim Horton’s after early morning church, where people smile and you get what you ask for and you pay for what you get.

[2013-08-25]

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