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| Chiclets Tiny Size flavor coated gum |
Yesterday I wrote about a college recruiter calling me do to lunch and that I all too briefly enjoyed an inflated opinion of myself. The unspoken subtext in my head after the light went on was something like, “You dimwit, you didn't really think she cared about YOU, did you? How naive can you be?”
A long time ago when I was very little, I was in the upstairs of a friend’s house. He gave me a small pouch of bubble gum, the sort that was chopped into small pieces and coated with candy.
The boy’s father came upstairs after work to say hello to us and saw that his son had given it to me. The father ripped it from my hands and handed it back to his son, saying something to the effect “That’s not for you. I don’t work my ass off to buy stuff so my kids can give it away.”
I have since then been very anxious about receiving or partaking, fearing I would again take something that wasn’t intended for me. It may have been a contributing factor to me avoiding communion for most of my adult life.
And it may sound trivial, but it’s as intrusive as anxiety or myopia, except instead of being a constant nuisance managed with pills or lenses, it lurks at social events like a piece of cheese in a mousetrap.
I am forever harassed by anxiety amidst generosity.
[2014-01-15]
c0
Chuck! That is terrible! But - I have to disagree on one point - The small gift given to YOU - by YOUR friend - WAS intended for YOU - It was ANOTHER that intervened and took it away - which they had no right to do - since it was not theirs to give or to take. What an opportunity lost to reward his son for generosity - and teach a powerful lesson. I wonder if your friend was also effected by that incident - and learned not to give? (All this damage over a .15 bag of candy.) But very sorry to hear that a seed was sown that took root. May be all get better at rooting out the bad seeds before they take hold!
ReplyDeleteI wrote about the psychology of this earlier - scientists tell us it takes only one bad experience to make a permanent impression, and a few good experiences to do the same. Ie, a mouse will remember an electrical shock in an area of a cage and never return to it after being shocked once. However, it takes a couple or three rewards, eg food for tripping a lever, to learn that behavior.
DeleteIt's an evolutionary necessity, of course. Make one mistake and you're potentially dead. Better to avoid any potential mistake.
Psychological complexities sometimes have uncomplicated beginnings.
--c0