A bully story from Oprah a long time ago (we're all losers)

Casper Milquetoast was a 1920's cartoon character created by HT Webster and known for his meek and mild manner. "Milquetoast" has since entered the American English lexicon but isn't in use much now; it's roughly equivalent to "wimp," but implies a certain dignified gentleness. (Wikimedia Commons)

I once saw a TV studio audience turn on an afternoon talk show guest in a matter of minutes. This was on Oprah, early into her career, before she was giving away cars and owned the solar system.

A man was telling his story of workplace abuse and humiliation. He was short, a bit pudgy as I recall, somewhat milquetoasty. One of his accounts involved his coworkers holding him by the ankles over a railing some stories up.

The audience quickly sympathized with him.

About 20 minutes into the show, when he was asked what he did to prevent it, he said he did nothing. When asked why he did nothing, he said he feared even worse treatment, and losing his job.

The audience turned on him immediately, like someone had flipped a switch, and suddenly he was to blame for his own mistreatment.

I felt very sorry for that man, but only now do I see the odd parallel with rape and domestic abuse. We are routinely (and rightly) coached not to blame the victim, yet we still do, whether it's a meek factory worker or woman in a revealing outfit.

We celebrate our lack of sympathy for those who fail to help themselves; what's worse is that we also use it to justify our contempt, and so we casually ignore alcoholism, recidivism, addiction, and hosts of other human failings that could grip any of us.

We're all losers just waiting for an opportunity to prove it.

[2014-01-12]

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