Many years ago I worked as a "document coder" for a law firm that was suing General Electric and others over the design of their Mark II Boiling Water Reactor core. The case was settled out of court. The utility that contracted with GE claimed the suppression pool would not accommodate the release of steam during a LOCA (loss of coolant accident) and that the reactor pool would slosh around so violently that the reactor could crack and release radioactive steam.
As a document coder (a job title invented for this role), I read through GE documents released by court order and summarized those that assisted the utility's case. Since the case involved nuclear power plant design, I spent a year or more reading engineering documents and memos on nuclear energy design and safety.
One of the parts I read a lot about was called a "safe end." A safe end is a device fitted to the bottom of a steam downcomer (exhaust pipe) that regulates how steam is discharged into the suppression pool.
I've had this little story down for a long time, 20 years or more. Today I added a few flourishes, including a nod to The Wizard of Oz, but it's otherwise the way I originally wrote it. I had begun experimenting with punctuation in place of words in my early college days; this was well before emoticons.
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[Scene: a man is walking down a long hallway, no windows; the floor is old, shiny and roiling linoleum. Bare incandescent light bulbs illuminate the hallway every 20 feet. You can hear the man's heels echoing.
The man stops at a door, an old wooden door with a frosted window and a title written on the glass. The title says "Department of Nuclear Resources."
The man knocks.]
Come in.
Hello, I'm Clarence, I got a memo to come down here. Is this the Department of Nuclear Resources?
What's it say on the door? Sit down.
?
On the couch.
?
Oh, just move those stacks of paper aside. There's a couch under there.
Thank you.
Clarence, is it?
Yes.
Let me see... Clarence... Clarence... No, I'm sorry, I have no record of a Clarence.
Oddbody. Clarence Oddbody. Oh-dee-dee-bee...
I know how to spell "Oddbody," thank you. No, no Oddbody. What's your employee number?
AS2.
AS2... AS2... Oh yes, there you are. You are a six-two-seven-stroke-thirty-eight-dash-A-S-two. A safe end.
I'm sorry?
Yes, yes, a safe end, it's all right here.
I'm sure it is, but I'm Clarence. Clarence from Accounting? You know, adding machines and red tape and budgets and all that?
Hmmm... we''ll, there are no safe ends in accounting, they're in nuclear engineering. That's a different building.
Yes, I know, that's why, well, why I'm sort of confused. You see, to be mistaken for an eraser or something, maybe, I mean, that would make sense...
Are you ridiculing me?
No, no sir!
You should be happy I haven't retired you for stress fracture cracking. We do that around here, you know.
Oh, yes, I know.
Can't have any stress fracture cracking. You wouldn't have any experience in materials sciences, would you?
No, no sir.
No, I thought not. Just erasers.
Yes sir, lots of erasers in Accounting.
I'm sure. No more eraser jokes.
No sir, no more eraser jokes.
Now you take this with you.
This form?
That's right. You take that with you tomorrow to the materials sciences lab. They'll run you through some tests.
Tests?
Yes, microfracture analysis... solid state chemistry... modeling and simulation... nanomechanics. If all goes well you'll be back in the suppression pool in no time. Adult swim.
?
My turn for a little joke.
Ha! Yes, I see. Uh, but, I'm in Accounting.
We'd all like to be someplace else sometimes, but there is no more important a role in a Mark Two BWR than a safe end. Why, it's all that stands between us and a nuclear meltdown, isn't that so?
Well, I suppose...
Look, Mr Oddbody... Clarence... take it from me, I've seen them all come and go - control rods, core shrouds, steam dryers - and yes, plenty of safe ends, and each of them had no more self confidence than you. But I'll tell you what they did have.
?
They had a purpose. Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you this Quality Control "Passed Inspection" sticker. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a safe end is not judged by how needy you are, but by how much you are needed by others.
And it was always said of Clarence
that he knew how to suppress steam well
if any man alive possessed the knowledge.
[1985 / 2013-08-13]
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