Why We Teach Little Boys Not to Hit Little Girls

Sometimes we do important things without knowing why they're important. The fact that we don't know why we do something doesn't make it any less important, nor does it excuse it from critical analysis (because maybe it isn't important).

Example: I didn't realize until long after I'd been married why boys are taught not to hit girls. I'd always thought it was an unfair rule (especially when the girl is bigger and hits you first) and was classified alongside other things we don't do: Don't cross your eyes or they'll stick that way, don't eat food that's set out too long, don't aim a gun at anyone unless you intend to kill them, etc.

Of course, perhaps you are smarter than me and came to this conclusion long ago: We teach little boys not to hit little girls so they don't turn into big boys that hit big girls.

There is no history of domestic abuse in my family. I never saw a man hurt a woman physically (or verbally or any other way). I had no context for understanding the subtext of this rule.

I ask myself "why" a lot. There are often very good reasons for ritual behaviors, as outdated or absurd as they may seem, for they are (often) the result of millions of people organizing countless interlocking pieces, and we simply can't unpack precisely why they have the shape they do.

Like junk DNA, some things we do (and feel good about doing) are not necessary, but we do them because at one time, something (or its antecedent) did serve a purpose, and just like our current DNA, our current behaviors would not be the same had they not encountered other behaviors, ideas, and circumstances.[1]

 

[1]
Modern taboos are fertile ground for exploring behavior changes. So are religious rites. In fact, that's what got me thinking about this in the first place: Why all the complicated and pretty accoutrements to religion? I mean, seriously, I can think of lots of ways to get communion over in two minutes, or squeeze a good old-fashioned Baptist bible-thumping sermon into five.

I have no trouble accepting that some behaviors that serve no obvious practical purpose result from encounters with the divine; science doesn't compel us toward that option, but neither does it discount it.

Started: 2012-08-01