We love speculating at the expense of others.

When I was single, I went home for lunch. I made a sandwich, checked email, caught up with CNN, used the bathroom, etc.

A neighbor told others I was going home to drink and she could smell it on me. She told my soon-to-be wife as a matter of fact. I did drink in those days, quite a bit, but never during the day, and never when driving.

We love speculating at the expense of others.

• If you sit in your car at lunch, as some do because they don’t have enough time to go out, you're anti-social.
• If you work through your lunch, you risk being thought an over-achiever, by even some very smart people like Jason Fried, the author of Rework and one of the brains behind Base Camp.
• If you’re nice to people who dislike you, you may be viewed as weak. But if you play by the same rules, you're petty.
• The more often you voice an unpopular opinion, the more likely you'll be branded counterproductive.
• If you're tempered around energetic people, you're humorless. If you’re energetic around humorless people, you’re undisciplined.
• If you're openly religious, you might be seen as hypocritical. If you keep your faith private, you might be seen as indifferent or ashamed.

There’s a presence we cultivate when we’re comfortable with our words and actions; there is also a certain awkwardness when we are constantly second-guessing ourselves.

I have trouble enough just being me let alone wondering what someone else thinks I should be, and I’ve had a lifetime to get it right.

[2013-03-16]

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